I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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