Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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