Are we in a gay sports bar?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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