dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
