Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
