So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize