2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
