He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
