its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
