next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
