Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
