you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
