Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
