thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
