all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
