if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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