first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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