Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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