Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize