i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
