Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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