I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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