then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
