just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
