i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
