So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
