apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
