im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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