i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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