he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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