My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
