She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
