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That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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