A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
