i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
