please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
