shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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