paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
