My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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