Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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