I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
