i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize