then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
