do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize