I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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