I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
