so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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