The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
