Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
