Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
