bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
