i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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