your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
