Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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