I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
