i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
