I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
