I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
