If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
