Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
