he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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