Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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