you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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