we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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