I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
