Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
