u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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