Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
