If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
