do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
time to smoke my breakfast
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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