I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
