there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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