chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
